


Oh Well, Okay

by thornfield_girl



Category: Justified
Genre: Angst, Multi, Oral Sex, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:24:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thornfield_girl/pseuds/thornfield_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ava walks in on something unexpected, and finds out more than she ever wanted to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Well, Okay

Ava had spent the morning collecting the take from her working girls, and was headed over to the bar to drop it off with Boyd. She saw Raylan’s car in the lot and pulled in next to it, rolling her eyes and wondering what the hell he wanted with Boyd now. 

She slipped in through the back of the building and heard some music playing- Hank Williams, “Cold, Cold Heart.” _Shit, someone was feeling maudlin, most likely Raylan._

She walked through the back room to the dark bar, and what she saw stopped her in her tracks, blood rushing to her head and pounding there, heating her face even while the rest of her body turned cold. 

They were standing about halfway down the length of the bar, a bottle and two glasses sitting behind them. Boyd was leaning back on the bar, and Raylan was leaning in very, very close to him, touching him lightly on the waist with one hand while pushing his hat back with the other. She couldn’t tell if they’d just kissed, or if they were just about to, but that hardly seemed to matter. 

She almost bolted. She wanted to run, wanted to get the hell out of here while she could still maybe find a way to pretend she hadn’t seen this. But she stopped herself, because, _shit_. That was her man there, and she ran this bar with him, and she wasn’t going any goddamn place. 

Raylan was just leaning in (again?), his eyes drifting shut and his mouth parted slightly, when Ava cleared her throat loudly. Raylan stepped back right quick and stood stiffly, looking at the floor. Ava stood behind the bar with her hands on her hips, staring down these two men she’d known for so long, and who she would have sworn couldn’t surprise her much at all. 

“Someone want to tell me just what in the hell is going on here?” Ava could hear herself speaking, but her voice sounded strange in her own ears.

Boyd spoke first, his voice not sounding nearly as clear or as strong as it normally did. “Ava, this was not anything. You have to believe that.”

“I’ll believe what I saw with my own eyes, Boyd Crowder.”

“Ava... this was just... old times.”

“ _Old times._ What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Me and Raylan... we used to fool around a little, way back when. It wasn’t...” He glanced at Raylan, sending him a look that could have been a request, or possibly an apology. “It wasn’t anything. Kid stuff, just messing around.”

Ava laughed sharply, not a pretty sound at all like her normal laugh, but angry. “Don’t neither one of you look like a kid to me, Boyd.”

Raylan found his voice now, though it was a bit rough. “Ava, I’m sorry. I was... just curious, feeling a bit nostalgic. It was stupid. Didn’t mean nothin’. Don’t blame him, it was my fault.”

“He didn’t say no, though, did he? Must’ve been a little curious himself.”

Raylan resettled his hat and said, “I’ll get out of here, leave you to it. Ava, I really am sorry. I... I’m sorry.”

“Raylan Givens, you ain’t going anywhere until I tell you I’m through with you.”

“I’m not sure how you think you’re gonna stop me.” Raylan had barely started towards the door before Ava had the shotgun cocked and aimed at his back. He stopped in mid-step and turned around, pushing back his jacket and settling a hand on his firearm.

Ava laughed bitterly again, and shook her head. “You gonna draw on me, Raylan? Gonna put me down like you did Boyd? You do that, and he’ll kill you.” She nodded towards Boyd, who had his own gun out and aimed at Raylan.

“I’m not sure how I ended up being the one with two guns aimed my way, when all I’m doin’ is trying to get the hell out of your way.” He took his hand away from his weapon and held both arms out to his sides, smiling crookedly. He walked back over to the bar and sat down, leaving one barstool in between himself and Boyd. 

Boyd had already put away his weapon and looked maybe like he felt a little bad about all that. He spoke quietly to Ava now, looking straight at her, not backing down even though he looked like he'd like to. "Tell me what I can say, what I can do, to make this better."

Ava stared back at Boyd, at Raylan, then back again, and she said, "Kiss him."

Boyd's eyebrows shot up, and he looked just the way he had when she'd told him about killing Delroy. _Well, good._ She figured that if he was going to surprise her like this, she should still be able to do the same. 

"You want me to... Why?"

"Well, the way I'm thinkin', I'm gonna be picturing it either way. Usually imagination is worse than the reality. So I want to see it."

Raylan stirred himself and said, " Ava, I really don't think-"

"Raylan, I don't give a rat's ass what you don't think. You were happy enough to kiss my man behind my goddamn back, so I don't see why it should be such a problem to do it in front of my face."

They both stared at her, then looked at each other uncomfortably. Boyd finally sighed, pushed himself off the bar and walked over to Raylan. "Okay? Do you mind?"

Raylan took off his hat and set it on the bar. He closed his eyes and rubbed at his forehead for a second, then looked at Boyd with a neutral expression. "Fine. Go ahead."

Boyd swallowed, glanced at Ava, and kissed Raylan firmly and dryly on the lips. Then he looked at Ava hopefully.

"Okay, darlin'?"

"I don't know what the hell that was, Boyd, but it didn't look a thing like what Raylan was gearin' up for when I walked in here. You might think you're sparin' me, but you're only makin' it worse."

Boyd held her gaze for a moment, then looked back at Raylan, who gave him a tiny shrug. Boyd nodded at him just as slightly, then leaned into Raylan, placing a hand on the bar on either side of where he was seated. Raylan pulled back at first, but only a little, before he pushed forward to meet Boyd's mouth. They kissed softly, and though Ava could sense their restraint, there was nothing dishonest about it this time.

Ava felt that urge to run away coming back, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from this. It was... well, it was gorgeous, honestly. She’d never seen such a thing in her life. These two men, one of whom she had long carried a torch for, and the other who currently held her heart, were kissing each other. She easily recognized each of their own personal styles, but there was something else to it, maybe something that was their very own, together. 

They pulled apart, and Raylan brought the back of his hand up to his mouth for a moment, as if to compose himself. Boyd looked at Ava again with a questioning expression. She had already lowered the shotgun, and now she put it back under the bar before walking out from behind it. 

“That was... real nice.” She nodded at Raylan as she came toward them. “Is that how you used to do it... way back when?” 

“Uh... more or less. It’s been a long time. Hard to remember too many details.”

“See Raylan, that’s the problem I’m havin’. Now, I can’t remember too many details from Christmas last year, for instance. Nor from my hair appointment three weeks ago. But I’ll tell you somethin’, I remember _a lot_ from when I was 19. Things that happen to you when you’re 19, well, they make an impression. You’re both tellin’ me, ‘kid stuff, Ava, don’t mean nothin’,’ but I gotta wonder, if it don’t mean nothin’, why the hell would you be pokin’ a stick at it, tryin’ to see if it’s still there?"

Raylan was shaking his head, which didn’t surprise Ava one bit. He was in full denial mode, and if she was being real honest with herself, she thought he could be telling the truth. It would be just like him to have forgotten details, to have washed over all that in his mind during his absence. She knew that Boyd wouldn’t have, though, and that was what concerned her. She needed this out, couldn’t stand the thought of secrets like this standing between them.

“Tell me what else, Raylan.”

“What else... what?”

“What else did you do together? Back then?”

“Ava, honestly. It was no big deal. It was just messin’ around, just - “

“Kid stuff, yeah, I got that. But I don’t know what it means. So tell me. What did you do?”

Raylan huffed and glared at her a bit, then said, “Ava, this really is none of your business. If you want to ask Boyd about it, some time later, he can choose to tell you or not tell you. That’s between the two of you. But I ain’t your man, and I do not want to discuss this with you. You seem to have relinquished your weapon, so I think I’m gonna take myself on out of here now.” He picked up his hat and started to get up, but Ava held onto his arm. 

“Raylan.” She spoke softly now, and looked up at him. “I’m sorry about the gun. That wasn’t the right thing to do. I... wasn’t really feelin’ like myself at the moment. I got nothing to threaten you with now. I’m just tryin’ to understand. Will you help me to understand, please?”

Raylan put his hat back on the bar, but didn’t sit down. He shook his head again and said, “I don’t see the point of this, Ava. You don’t want to hear this shit, believe me. Better to just leave it alone.”

“No, Raylan, that’s what you would want, if you were me. But I ain’t you, I’m me. And I want to know.”

Raylan still didn’t speak, but he did sit. Ava walked up real close to him, then looked over at Boyd, and said, “Boyd, I’mma kiss Raylan here. Seems only fair, don’t you think?”

Boyd’s expression darkened at that, and suddenly he looked like Bowman in a way that she had never been able to see before. She barely had time to register any fear when, just as quickly, his face cleared, and he nodded. “Surely, Ava. If that’s what you need to do.”

Raylan was starting to shake his head again and put up his hands to hold her back, but she held his arms at the wrists and pushed forward to kiss his lips briefly. When she pulled back, he was looking at her with his eyes wide, like he was afraid of what she might do next. Then he looked over at Boyd, like maybe he wanted to say something but had no idea what. Boyd just raised a hand dismissively, hardly sparing him a glance.

Ava hadn’t left Raylan’s space yet, and she said, “Now, Raylan. Tell me. Did you...” She licked her lips, took a deep breath, and said, “Did you touch each other?”

Boyd shifted uncomfortably, and said, “Jesus Christ, Ava.”

“I didn’t ask you, Boyd. I asked Raylan.”

Raylan looked like he was starting to get pissed, his face all clenched up like it sometimes got - seemed like she’d always been able to bring that out in him, almost as easily as Boyd could. That was a connection she’d never made, but it made perfect sense now. 

“Yes, Ava. We did that. Okay? You wanted to know, so now you do. We touched each other. What else do you want to know? How about what a good blow job Boyd gave? Goddamn, but that boy could suck dick, lemme tell ya. Or maybe I could tell you about this one time when- “

“Raylan!” Boyd was glaring at him, looking less in control than Ava had ever seen. He’d sounded angry, but the look on his face didn’t match his voice. He looked distressed. Raylan looked away from it, but his face mirrored Boyd’s pretty closely. 

A thought came to Ava in that moment, one that felt exactly right to her in the split-second before it began to terrify her. It was not in her nature to shy away from her own instincts, though, so she pushed her fear aside. She walked over to where Boyd was standing and put her hand on his chest. 

“Boyd, honey. I ain’t mad. Not anymore. But I can see that there’s something here, and I don’t like being left out of anything important. I know you ain’t gonna deny it. Raylan might, but not you. That’s why I love you.”

Boyd put his hand on top of hers where it lay above his heart. “I’m not denying anything, darlin’, but I don’t think there’s much left to say.”

“I don’t want you to say anything, Boyd. Nor you, Raylan. I want... I want you to show me. I want you to share it with me.”

Boyd went very, very still at that, and Raylan stood up as if to go. Ava couldn’t let him leave now, couldn’t let this stay unresolved, to always hang in the air between the three of them.

“Raylan, just wait one more minute, would you? I know it sounds crazy, just listen- “

“It’s not just crazy, Ava, it’s dangerous. You don’t know.”

“You started it, Raylan.”

“I did. Now I’m stopping it.”

Boyd spoke quietly from where he was sitting, but his voice carried clearly in the quiet room. “I would do that for you, Ava. But I won’t lie to you. You need to know that it wouldn’t only be for you. It would be for me too, and even for Raylan.”

Raylan turned to look at Boyd, eyes bugged out and his mouth hanging halfway open. “Are you fucking nuts? There is no way I’m gonna - “ His words were cut off as Boyd swiftly closed the few feet of distance between them and pressed their lips together. He pushed Raylan backwards until he was up against the bar and kept kissing him, not letting up until he got a response. 

Raylan had his hands up near Boyd’s shoulders, hesitating as if he couldn’t decide whether to push Boyd away or pull him in. Ava saw the moment he made that decision, and he put his hands on Boyd’s arms and smiled into the kiss that Boyd was laying on him. Then he wasn’t just smiling, but laughing softly as Boyd pulled back to look at him. 

“What’s so funny, Raylan?” 

“Shit. This ain’t even close to what I expected when I got up this morning.” Boyd chuckled, and even Ava grinned a little. Then Raylan said, “Ava, I’m not about to put on a show for you. If you want to share, then come on over here and share.”

Ava walked towards the two of them, and Boyd moved to the side to let her in close. He pulled her in by the waist and reached one hand up to start unbuttoning her blouse, speaking softly with his lips lightly brushing hers from time to time.

“I respect you immensely, Ava, and I trust you to know what you want. Still, I can’t help but offer you one more chance to call this off, because Raylan wasn’t wrong. You’re playing with fire, here.”

“Fire, I can handle. I’m with you, ain’t I?”

Boyd nodded thoughtfully, and leaned in to kiss her on her delicate collarbone. “What do you want, darlin’? What should we do?”

“I want you both to take care of me, Boyd. Then you and Raylan can do whatever you like.”

Boyd grinned, then lifted her up to set her on the bar. He pushed her skirt up, slid his hands up her hips to pull down her panties, and looked at Raylan. “Come on, boy. Let’s see what you can do.”

Raylan came over and put his hands on Ava’s knees, sending a smirk in Boyd’s direction. “You sure you want to watch? I don’t want to give you some kind of inferiority complex.”

Boyd’s face lit up at this little bit of trash-talk from Raylan, as if he once again felt himself back on familiar ground. “I believe my ego can handle it.”

Raylan’s voice was soft and easy, like he was uttering lines from a play he’d been performing for years. “Well, if anyone’s could, it would be yours.”

Ava made a frustrated noise and prodded Raylan with her toe. “Are you kiddin’ me? Jesus, shut up, both of you.”

“Well, you wanted to know, Ava. Most of the time we just talked at each other, anyway.”

Ava frowned slightly at that, remembering how it had been back then. They were always giving each other shit about something, which was just like all the other boys, except for the sweet smile in their voices when they did it. The way their faces would open up the minute the other one came around. And of course, how they were always together. Like a matched set, but also almost each other's opposite. 

Thinking about it now, it was hard to believe that it had never crossed her mind. She’d been innocent then, didn’t know shit about the world, really. But the way they were with each other, it was different from the way boys usually were. She’d seen that, she just hadn’t known what it meant.

She stopped thinking much about the past as soon as Raylan started kissing his way up the insides of her thighs. She leaned back on her hands and put her knees up, and when he reached his destination, she drew in a deep breath through her nose and let it out with a shaky sigh. It was hard not to think of how different this was from Boyd’s attentions. They both knew what they were doing, and both made sure she got what she needed, but beyond that they didn’t have much in common. Raylan made this feel like a gift to her, something for her benefit which he was happy to give. With Boyd it always felt like he was taking her pleasure for himself, as if it were all he needed. 

Boyd had reached a hand up to fondle her breast, and rolled the hard nipple between his fingers. The sensation shot straight to her clit, which Raylan was lavishing attention on at the moment. 

“Boyd... talk to me, honey. Tell me... tell me about it some more.”

Boyd closed his eyes, and Ava knew it was a big thing to ask of him. She was sure he’d never spoken of that time to anyone, probably not even to Raylan, really. She also knew that he would do it for her now, and that power made her feel a little light-headed. 

“As you please, Ava.” Boyd climbed up to sit next to her on the bar, leaning down to suck on one nipple while he rubbed the other one with his thumb. 

“Me and Raylan, we used to like to take a bottle out into the woods, hike way out behind my daddy’s property.” Ava felt Raylan pause for a second, and she wondered if this was going to make him run off for real, finally. But he must have realized it was too late for that now, and he started up again, pushing his tongue way up inside and grinding his face into her. She moaned just as Boyd started talking again. “We started doing that pretty soon after Raylan started up at the mine, did it a few times a week, most weeks. I think we were both trying to see if we could get ourselves drunk enough to do what we wanted to do. You can imagine how hard it would have been for one of us to try something like that, ‘specially around these parts, and even more so back then. Then one time... one time, he did. We weren’t even the least bit fucked up yet, neither. He took one swig from that bottle, set it down, climbed up on me and started kissing me like I was his own boy.”

Ava gasped at that turn of phrase, and at the image that settled itself in her brain. She was close now, real close, and wasn’t even sure if she could stand to hear any more of this. But Boyd wasn’t done, sounded like he was just getting warmed up in fact, and she knew she couldn’t stop him now. It wasn’t like he hadn’t warned her.

“Well, neither one of us knew a thing about what to do, but we got it figured out well enough in no time. The first time he put his hand on my dick, I thought the sky was gonna open up and swallow me whole. But it didn’t, and he didn’t stop there. He sucked me off, right there in the woods, that very first time.” Boyd’s eyes were half-closed, and his breath was coming faster, heavier. “I can’t say his skills were anywhere near where they are with what he’s doing to you right now, but neither can I say that it mattered much at all. I came in his mouth and I knew nothing was ever gonna be the same for me after that.”

“Oh, Jesus, Boyd! Damn, honey, that’s so... oh... oh, I’m comin’... Oh, Raylan, God...” Ava was shaking, drawing shuddering breaths, and it went on for awhile before she stilled. Raylan pulled back, drawing his mouth along her thigh before straightening up. He was staring at Boyd now, like he was seeing a different person. Boyd looked straight back at him.

“Raylan. You remember that night, don’t you?”

Raylan’s eyes slid to the side. “Of course I do.”

Boyd hopped down from the bar and stood there, looking very open, like he was waiting for Raylan to do something, just like he had all those years ago. Ava knew that Raylan wasn’t the world’s most perceptive person about emotions, but he had certainly never had any trouble reading anyone’s body language. He walked right up into Boyd’s arms and kissed him hard, pulling Boyd’s shirt out of his pants and reaching up under it to run his hands over his skin. They kissed for a long time, pressing their bodies up against one another. 

Eventually, Boyd reached for Raylan’s fly and worked it open, and when he got his hand inside, Raylan buried his face in Boyd’s neck and groaned. Ava brought a hand down between her legs and squeezed herself lightly. 

Boyd was working Raylan’s cock slowly, up and down, while Raylan kissed him on the neck and shoulders, behind his ear, and on his lips. 

Ava still had her hand on herself, and was rocking back and forth slightly, watching them. She tried to concentrate on Raylan, because she was having a hard time looking at Boyd’s face just then. The way he looked reminded her forcefully of how he’d been when he’d first come to live with her, like he was barely holding himself together. Like he didn’t know who he was. It made her feel sad, and she wondered how much of that was about Raylan back then, too. 

Raylan didn’t look sad, though. He looked like a man who had finally come home.

Ava could see that he was getting close, his face was beautifully flushed, and he was kissing Boyd now with none of his earlier coordination or skill, kissing him like a teenage boy. Ava was almost there again, herself, and she rubbed herself harder, watching Boyd’s hand moving up and down on Raylan’s shaft. 

Ava heard Raylan whispering something urgently, she could make out the word _please_ and not much else, but Boyd stroked him faster after that, and then he was coming, breathing into Boyd’s mouth. Ava was coming too, pressing the heel of her hand down into her mound and letting out a moan that was halfway to a cry. 

She was coming down from that as Raylan unzipped Boyd’s pants, finally pulled his lips away from Boyd’s face, and dropped to his knees in front of him. As Raylan closed his mouth around his cock, Boyd sunk his fingers into Raylan’s hair. Ava knew just how it would feel, could almost feel it herself just from watching it slip through Boyd’s fingers. Boyd didn’t look sad anymore, exactly. She couldn’t quite figure out what the expression on his face was, or what it meant, but she knew it made her uncomfortable. 

She climbed down from the bar and walked over to them, and touched Boyd on the arm. When he looked at her, it seemed for a second that he didn’t even recognize her. Then his eyes cleared, he smiled, and reached up a hand to run it affectionately over her hair and down to her shoulder. As soon as he did that, Raylan reached a hand up to squeeze Boyd’s thigh, hard, digging his nails in a little. Ava saw him do it, and she thought it must not have meant what it seemed to mean. It couldn’t. But Boyd responded to it, taking his hand off of Ava and putting it on Raylan’s neck, rubbing his thumb behind the ear. She looked at him sharply, and he met her eyes for a moment. That dark look was back, and she hated to see it, so she backed off. 

Ava had known Boyd was lying to her when he’d said it wasn’t anything with him and Raylan. Of course she’d known it, she could tell when he was lying, and anyway, she remembered enough to know it wasn’t true. But she hadn’t been prepared for it to be like this, and certainly not after all this time. She walked away from them, maybe to give them space, or maybe just so she didn’t have to see it anymore. She couldn’t even blame either one of them, because they’d both told her. 

As she was walking into the back room, she heard Boyd saying Raylan’s name in a way that made her want to cry, made her want to scratch out Raylan’s eyes, and for a brief moment made her want to just step aside, because he’d surely never said her name like that. 

She wouldn’t do that, though, because she knew that when it came down to it, she was the one Boyd truly needed. She was the one who was right for him, and she needed him too. He’d come back to her, she’d tell him that this couldn’t happen again, and he’d say _Okay, darlin’. As you please. I love you, Ava._ And she’d believe him, because it would be true, and she would spend a long time trying to forget about what else was true, for him and for Raylan. 

She went out the back door to her car, and as she was pulling out of the parking lot, she realized she still had all that money on her that she’d meant to drop off. She knew some other kind of woman might have gone and dropped a bunch of it on clothes, just out of spite, but that wasn’t who she was. She drove home, thinking only of the comfort of her own home, and the distance she was already putting between herself and this morning’s events.

Ava had been sitting at the kitchen table for less than half an hour, sipping at a bourbon and smoking in the house, which she never did, when the door opened softly and Boyd stepped into the room. Of all the ways she’d seen Boyd look during the years she’d known him, this was the most terrible to see. He looked ill, almost alarmingly so, and if she hadn’t known what had caused it, she might have insisted on the hospital. 

Boyd stayed by the door, seemingly unsure if he was welcome in the house. The part of Ava that was hurting so badly wanted to make him wait, even make him beg her for the privilege of entering, of sitting with her at her table. She knew that he would do it, if she insisted, and that realization was enough to soften her. He needed her right now, as much as he ever had, even more than when he’d first come to her. 

“Come on, sit down, honey. Let’s talk a bit.” Her voice sounded hollow to her own ears, but she was trying. 

Boyd walked forward haltingly, and stood beside the chair opposite hers, looking at her face. “Ava... I...”

“Just sit, Boyd. We both got things we need to say to each other.”

Boyd sat, looking down at the table with his hands in his lap. Ava reached out to him, and when he reached up to take her hands, she could see how badly his were shaking.

“You have to talk, Boyd, because there are things I still don’t know. You told me one thing, then you told me something different. Then what I saw was... something I didn’t expect.”

“Ava... “ Boyd squeezed her hands almost hard enough to hurt, for a second, then pulled his hands away again. “I didn’t know it would go like that. I think it was... it was from talking about it. We never did, me and... me and him. It was what we did, and how we felt, but we didn’t know how to talk about it. We figured, we didn’t need to, because we both knew and that was good enough. I didn’t know what it would do, saying it out loud like that. Ava, I am so full of regret about this. What I did to you back there... I don’t know how you can forgive me for that. I don’t know how that happened. I don’t know who that was back there, but he was not the man who is sitting here with you now. I _love_ you. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. When I saw that you’d left, I... I thought... Ava, if I lost you, I would be lost myself.”

“I don’t doubt you, Boyd, I don’t. I been sittin’ here, tryin’ to think of what I could say to you. I was so hurt, so upset. And angry. But mostly at myself. I should have listened to you. To both of you. You tried to tell me, but I wasn’t listening because I thought I could handle it. I thought you were bein’ ridiculous, makin’ more of it than it was. I guess I wanted to believe that.”

“There was no way for you to know. We should have stopped it. _I_ should have stopped it.”

Ava got up from the table and brought a glass over to Boyd, pouring him a generous slug of bourbon. 

“How did you leave things with Raylan?”

“Oh... well. He apologized. Then he ran outta there like the devil was at his heels.”

Ava snorted. “What was he apologizing for?”

“You know what for. But what _he_ did, that wasn’t really the problem, was it?”

“No. Not as such.”

“Ava, I know that there is nothing I can say to make any of this better. No way to fix this.” He was shaking his head hopelessly. “I have damaged it beyond repair.”

Ava couldn’t help rolling her eyes at him. “Oh, Boyd, quit bein’ so melodramatic. I’ll get over it. You will too. Look... I don’t care if you and Raylan used to be in love with each other. Shit, I get bein’ in love with Raylan Givens. And I get bein’ in love with you. So why should I be so surprised? Just... Jesus, just don’t be givin’ him any more goddamn kisses, okay? And... I don’t want to see him around for awhile. I’ll feel better, maybe, if he gets himself a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend, I guess.” She winked at Boyd after she said that, and he dropped his head down with a small embarrassed smile on his face.

“I can’t hardly believe this is how you’re choosing to look at this. I surely know that I don’t deserve you, Ava, but I’ve always known that.”

“Don’t do that, honey. Please. I don’t want to be up on no pedestal. I want to be down on the earth, with you, by your side.”

Boyd shook his head slightly, as if in disbelief, then sat looking at Ava’s face for a few moments. She knew she was not looking her best, as she felt like she’d aged about ten years in the last hour, but there was no evidence of that in Boyd’s gaze. She sat still and drank it in, and felt like if he kept looking at her like that for long enough, maybe it wouldn’t matter so much that he’d chosen Raylan over her, even just for a minute or two. Or that whatever had once been between them was still there, in some form, and might always be. That was nothing she could change, and she’d just seen what happened when she tried to interfere in it. 

“Ava, I will respect your wishes as to how you’d like to be treated, but I cannot change the way I see you. It’s hard to imagine myself as feeling worthy of you, certainly not after today.”

“Enough, Boyd. I get it. You fucked up. But so did I. And I won’t even start with how much of the fault I believe lies with Raylan, here. But can’t none of us help our feelings, and sometimes, they just get away from us. All I need to know is that whatever... that is, it won’t come near us like that again.”

“I promise you, Ava. Not like that. Never like that, again.”

“What about him?”

“It scared him. He’ll avoid us as long as he can, but I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of him. But he won’t... he doesn’t want that any more than I do. I think his life is complicated enough as it is. Not to mention... well...” Boyd closed his eyes for a second, and when they opened, he looked so vulnerable, and so honest.

Ava knew what he was thinking about. To watch the two of them talk, grinning at each other like little boys, you’d never realize what deadly enemies they could so easily turn out to be. That they’d almost been, not long ago. She flashed on the night she’d seen Boyd laid out on her floor, Raylan hovering over him like he could somehow take it back, and her stomach dropped. All at once, she saw everything so clearly - why Raylan had wanted him only for himself, for a moment, and why Boyd had been unable to refuse him.

“Oh, honey.” Ava got up and ran around the table to Boyd. He stood to meet her, and she clasped him as tightly as she could manage, then kissed him hard on the mouth. They stood there holding on to each other for several minutes before Boyd spoke.

“Ava, I’ve made my choices, and Raylan has made his. Neither one of us is going to change, or back away from anything, if it comes to that. If he does put me down someday, worry about him. He doesn't know who he is when he's in Harlan. He's always fighting himself. He wouldn't get over it. I have no such conflict.”

Ava just sighed, nodded at him and stroked his hair a bit, but she didn’t believe a word of it. Not that he was lying, not to her anyway, but she knew it wasn’t true. It was unlike Boyd not to know his own mind, but he had a blind spot precisely in the size and shape of Raylan Givens. If, one day, it proved to be the undoing of all three of them, no one would be less surprised than her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to norgbelulah for being a wonderful beta.


End file.
